Attachment Styles: Why Your Childhood Might Still Be Texting Your Crush for You

 

Heyy loviesss!

Longtime no seee I knowwww 😭😂 but let's saayy it has been a rollercoaster the past few weeks I think I might talk about it in the next blog this week( Yes!! you heard it right 2 blogs in one week😂) Not gonna lie though I wrote this I think it's been a month already 😭😂 but this saturday be readyy for a story time , for tea and everythingggg😂😂 so let's get into it and I didn't want to check the whole thing again and overthink it as I did before 😂 (so days means weeks 😂)

I listened to a podcast a few days ago where they were talking about childhood trauma — and if you know me, you know I’m a huge fan of psychology, mental health stuff, and all that good deep-diving into the human brain. 🧠✨

They mentioned something about attachment styles — and listen, when I hear a new term or even something I think I know, it’s over for my sleep schedule. 😂
I went down the biggest research rabbit hole — reading articles, watching videos, stalking expert opinions... the whole thing.
(10/10 would do again.)

And I thought, how about I share with my lovely people some of the small knowledge I picked up along the way?
Because trust me — once you understand attachment styles, you start seeing them everywhere — in your texts, your friendships, your dating life, even how you react when your group chat goes silent for a few hours. 👀

So let's dive in (no emotional hangover, I promise).

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First Things First: What Even Are Attachment Styles?

Basically, they’re patterns we develop early in life about how we love, trust, and connect with people.
By the time we were tiny humans running around with oversized backpacks, our little brains had already started asking:
"How do people respond when I need love, comfort, or help?"

Whatever answer we got — through hugs, scolding, distance, or silence — set our emotional blueprint.

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The Four Attachment Styles, Explained by a Kid (and Now You)

1. Secure Attachment ("I trust you. Also, I trust me.")

If your caregivers showed up for you — hugged you, listened, supported you — you probably learned:

"People are safe. I’m lovable. Life’s not out to get me."

Today? You can have healthy relationships without losing yourself.
✨ Bestie, you're thriving.

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2. Anxious Attachment ("Please love me or I’ll die a little inside.")

Maybe your caregivers were sometimes loving, sometimes not — kinda unpredictable.
You learned:

"If I try hard enough, maybe they’ll stay."

Now? You might overthink texts, fear being abandoned, and feel like love has to be earned.

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3. Avoidant Attachment ("Feelings? Never heard of them.")

Maybe you grew up where emotions were dismissed as "weak."
You learned:

"If I want love, I better act like I don’t need it."

Today? You might value independence so much that you accidentally push people away — and secretly wonder why it feels lonely sometimes.

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4. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment ("I want love, but love feels dangerous.")

Maybe your childhood was full of mixed signals, shouting, or fear.
You craved connection but also feared getting hurt.
You learned:

"Love is confusing. I want it, but I’m scared of it."

Today? You might want to hang out with friends, join family gatherings, or start relationships — but pull away last minute because your brain says:
"What if they don't really want me there?"
And suddenly you’re sitting alone, pretending you’re okay... even though you wish you weren’t. 🥲

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Quick Disclaimer 💬

Not everything about you is because of childhood trauma!
Sometimes, our reactions and habits come from later experiences — heartbreaks, toxic friendships, betrayals — not just childhood stuff.

Life keeps teaching us, shaping us.
So if you recognize yourself here, be kind to yourself: it’s not always about deep, ancient wounds — sometimes it’s just life being life. 🤍

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How Attachment Styles Show Up in Daily Life:

• Overthinking why they "seen" your message but didn't reply 🫠

• Pushing people away when they get too close 🥶

• Needing constant reassurance 🥹

• Struggling to trust even trustworthy people 🫣

• Feeling exhausted trying to "manage" how others see you 🫥

(Meanwhile your inner child is like: "Can someone just hug me and tell me it’s safe now?")

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The Good News: You Can Rewire This

Your brain is pure magic — it can change itself! (Neuroplasticity, baby! ✨)

Here’s where you start:

✅ Notice your patterns without shaming yourself
✅ Talk kindly to yourself — be the parent you needed
✅ Choose safe people over familiar chaos
✅ Allow slow healing — no rush, you’re building a softer world inside
✅ Feed your mind with healthier models: books, podcasts, therapy, journaling

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Final Pep Talk

You are not too much.
You are not broken.
You are a human who adapted to survive — and now you’re learning to thrive.

Healing isn’t about blaming your parents forever.
It’s about becoming the person your younger self needed — and still deserves. 🌱

And honestly?
That’s some superhero-level stuff. 🦸‍♀️🦸‍♂️

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🌟 Healing Starter Pack 🌟

• Notice triggers without judgment

• Breathe before reacting

• Remind yourself: "I am safe now"

• Choose connection over protection (slowly)

• Celebrate your small wins — they’re actually HUGE

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Let’s Chat! 💬

Which attachment style did you vibe with the most? 🤔
Have you noticed any of these patterns in your friendships, relationships, or even how you text people? 👀

Drop a 🦋 if you're on your healing journey, or tell me your favorite self-love tip that’s been helping you grow! 🙌🏾✨

Can’t wait to read your thoughts, loviesss! 🥰💭

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With love and healing,
Isimbi🫂 ✨